I hate to be picky, but two areas in which God fell down on the job while inventing people is that He gave us appendixes for no good reason except to provide surgeons with a steady income, and He neglected to give liberals two mouths so that they wouldn't be forced to speak out of both sides of the same one.

The latest example revolves around William Bennett's comment that if we wanted to really do something about the crime problem in America, we'd force all the black women to have abortions. Naturally, liberals, as hungry for red meat as tigers on the Atkins diet, immediately pounced on Bennett. Neither the fact that Mr. Bennett is opposed to all abortions nor the fact that he acknowledged at the time that he was making the preposterous, morally reprehensible, remark simply to make a point had any effect on the leftwing zealots.

Is it possible that the liberals are unaware of their own hypocrisy? After all, it is they who, while refusing to acknowledge that the very things Bill Cosby addresses -- teenage pregnancies, a 70% illegitimacy rate, drug and alcohol addiction, a lack of emphasis on education -- are always ready and eager to throw money at these non- existent problems. What it comes down to is that they don't want to say the words, and they're morally outraged whenever somebody else does. So, on the one hand, they insist that blacks are as good as anybody, but then insist on patronizing blacks as if they can't possibly compete in school or in the work place.

Most blacks living today, even those in the south, were born into a post-Jim Crow society that's been ready and eager to leapfrog blacks over whites whenever possible. Still, liberals love to point out that more young black men go to jail than to college, pretending it's the fault of a bigoted white society. In case they haven't noticed, we live in a country where a political powerhouse like Trent Lott saw his career crash and burn because of a single intemperate remark at a friend's birthday party, but black race hustlers like Jackson, Sharpton, Rangel and Waters, continue to thrive. Ours is a society that rebukes someone like Pat Robertson when he sticks his nose into the political arena, but doesn't say boo when so-called reverends such as Jackson and Sharpton run for president. Speaking of which, do those two clowns even attend church, let alone conduct services?

Personally, I believe that black Americans constitute both the best and the worst in our society. The worst is pretty obvious -- murder, rape, drug trafficking and thievery, rates far in excess of their percentage of the population. In addition to which, they constitute the most racist group in the country -- notably biased towards Hispanics, Asians, and Jews.

What is too often over-looked is how decent so many millions of them are. When Martin Luther King, Jr., said we should be judging each other by our character, not our color, it's that type of character he had in mind. Think how much fortitude it takes not to be tempted by the goodies brandished by conniving politicians and guilt-ridden whites. I mean, it's one thing to say you're opposed on principle to affirmative action, government-funded business loans based on nothing other than pigmentation, and phony reparation payments, and quite another to actually reject them. When jolly red-nosed Teddy Kennedy climbs into his Santa Claus costume and tries to come down your chimney with his bag brimming over with entitlements, it takes the right sort of person to light those yuletide logs. And there are countless black Americans standing by, their matches lit. What's more, they know O.J. did it!

Who but a white liberal or a black con artist would suggest that people like Oprah Winfrey, Bill Cosby, Clarence Thomas, Walter Williams, Thomas Sowell or Condoleezza Rice, aren't authentically black because they're intelligent, well-read, success-motivated, and, unpardonable of all sins, speak clearly? No, instead the racists in our midst insist that to be labeled anything other than an Uncle Tom or an Aunt Jemima, a black has to look like a thug, behave like a bully, and speak as if he has a mouth filled with marbles.

Speaking of blacks, I'd like to go on record as being opposed to our government's sending any additional money to Africa. Understand, I don't object to people like Bono and Bob Geldof producing concerts to raise funds for that dysfunctional continent. I don't even mind it if they win the Nobel Peace Prize for their efforts. But Africa is one huge cesspool that reeks with tribalism, political corruption, slavery, female mutilation, and, yes, of course, disease and poverty. Our money doesn't do a darn thing except promote more of the same, thus making us an accessory.

For a long time, liberals could blame all of Africa's problems on the white colonial powers. But that claim no longer holds water. Black Africa is no longer under the white thumbs of the English, the French or the Dutch. Not too surprisingly, things have only gotten worse under a series of black thumbs.

If good-hearted people want to feel better about themselves by tossing their money away, that is certainly their prerogative. To me, it seems as bizarre as elderly parents who continue to pay the freight for their middle-aged offspring, but it's certainly people's right to blow their own dough any silly way they like.

But when we in America are told that we lack the funds to put body armor on our soldiers or to protect our own borders, the last thing I want to hear is that Uncle Sam is sending Africa billions of dollars that, for all the good it will do, might as well fuel a large bonfire on the lawn of the White House or be flushed down the Potomac.

You can learn more about Burt and his latest book, Conservatives Are from Mars (Liberals Are from San Francisco) at his home page. Write Mr. Prelutsky at: