I can nearly, but not quite, understand why some people object to capital punishment. After all, if they're unaware that Thou Shall Not Kill is a bad translation of Thou Shall Not Murder, you can see where they might wind up believing that the execution of a serial killer is as sinful as the original crime. Of course I happen to think that, at this late date, there's no excuse for a grown-up not having bothered to find out what the sixth commandment actually says. That's especially the case if he's going to carry on as if he has dibs on the moral high ground, and accuse those who disagree with him of being blood-thirsty thugs.

That said, what I can't begin to fathom are the people who seem to have the same tender feelings for sexual predators that the rest of us have for our pets. Unfortunately, these aren't the same mushy-headed simpletons holding candlelight vigils outside San Quentin. Instead, they're judges and legislators.

Each time I hear any of these people discuss how many feet away from a school playground or a park some pedophile should be allowed to live, I'm reminded of those nuts in the Middle Ages who whiled away their days arguing over how many angels could dance on the head of a pin. It's as if I had just awakened in Oz to discover that my farmhouse had landed smack dab on top of a witch named Common Sense.

For what reason would any sane society ever release such a person from jail? The notion that kids are safe if the creep lives 2,000 feet away from where they play is perfectly loony. What about the kids walking to and from those parks and playgrounds? Are we supposed to take the freak's word that he'll behave himself? If so, why not release all the bank robbers, making certain that none of them lives closer than two blocks away from the nearest branch of First National? I can absolutely guarantee you that robbers can control their desire to knock over a bank a heck of a lot better than perverts can be counted on to control their perverted urges.

Only judges and lawmakers seem happy to ignore the rates of recidivism among rapists and pedophiles. Is there anyone else, aside from defense attorneys, who would argue that a man who's raped a six year old child deserves a second chance?

Whenever I read about the problems of resettling these creeps and then trying to keep track of them until the day they die, I can only shake my head. Why should anyone be able to destroy the life of a child and the child's family and ever be allowed to see the light of day again?

So far as I'm concerned, the only place they belong isn't 700 yards from the nearest see-saw, but in a dungeon or in Hell. Next best would be having them live next door to a politician or a judge.

You can learn more about Burt and his latest book, Conservatives Are from Mars (Liberals Are from San Francisco) at his home page. Write Mr. Prelutsky at: